Allies

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by Maria on 28 Feb 2015 - 23:37  

The other day I was at a meetup, and the subject of allies came up. Specifically, how white males can be allies for women and minorities in tech. I was reminded of an incident that happened to me while I was in the Army, and I thought it might be a useful story to a larger audience.

Many years ago, I was a truck mechanic in the Army National Guard. By coincidence, my motor pool was losing its Motor Sergeant at the same time that our unit was being consolidated with another unit. I was next in line to be Motor Sergeant. So, I was taking over at the same time that our motor pool was more than doubling in size, and, of course, the new mechanics were all male, and did not know me. The first weekend was rough. The new guys were clearly reluctant to take orders from me, and things weren't going so well. Weirdly, the next weekend was completely different, and I couldn't figure out what had happened that I had suddenly gained their respect. I was talking to a guy in the motor pool that I had known for years, and mentioned how much better things were going, and I didn't understand what had happened. He was a big, charismatic guy. The kind of guy that people intuitively look up to and respect. He told me he had seen what was going on, and the next time the new guys were hanging out and talking, he had joined their conversation. When my name had come up, he had told them, "Nah, man, she's alright. She knows her shit, and she's cool." And that was literally all it took. One person, alert enough to see that someone was being undermined, simply because of their sex, and stepping up to defend. It would have taken me months to get to that place of respect without him, assuming I ever could have.

That respect, is given by default to members of the majority, but must be earned by someone not seen as already 'in'. There are, of course, exceptions in both directions to this, but I think it is an excellent rule of thumb. It is so much easier and effective for someone of the majority to point out this imbalance, then it is for the person being disrespected, or anyone else in the minority, to do it. This is truly one of the best examples of how allies can help.

If you see someone that you think is not being taken seriously simply because of their race, sex, orientation, or whatever, step up, and say something. A simple, "hey, let's hear her out", can do wonders in making people realize their unconscious biases are showing through. Just asking a question that shows that you are taking her seriously, can make others realize that they may have been overlooking something. 'What did you say? That sounded like a pretty good idea, can you explain it again, I'm not sure everyone heard it."

Pay attention when a woman/minority says something. How are people reacting? Listen, observe, speak up. This is stuff that allies have to look for, because it is very easy to not see it, if you are not in the minority, and especially if you also feel like you are fighting to have your voice heard. (Cause, yeah, life is hard for those in the majority too. Word.) Members of the majority can shout down others, and generally lose no respect from the majority because of it. Women and minorities can lose respect, simply by fighting to have their voice heard. Allies amplifying their voices is absolutely critical to getting more women and minorities to stay in tech.

Some humor, which somehow feels appropriate. XKCD awesomeness.

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